Thursday, May 31, 2007

Study Break

Oh my gosh. I had no clue how much this would suck. I've been procrastinating on the whole "studying" part of things. I go to the classes, and I kinda skimmed some stuff (most of you know how me and reading go together - much like toothpaste and sesame chicken). Today, after an extended lunch with the ladies, I decided - I'd put my foot down, and read over what we did today.

For starters, that was well over 5 hours ago. First, I decided that I needed to tab my book, for easy access to the reading materials. Of course that needed to be color coded, but I was already home and didn't feel like going back out to the store for tabbies. After I let my creative outlet flow for a while, I knew the reading was imminent. I made it through about 5 pages (yes, the five pages of classroom material that skips lots of lines where, if you had been awake during class, you could've filled in comments and explanations... or even just the answers). After hitting the bottom of the fifth page, I couldn't take it anymore. I started to wonder when any of these situations had ever arisen, and why our legal system had formed the way it had. I may have joined the other 99% of the population in realizing why attorneys are so horrible.

So much for "studying" - I think I'll stick with the whole trying to attend class thing and keep my eyes open.

Speaking of class, another incident worth mentioning. Today, a kid brought in a full McDonald's breakfast. We're talking hotcakes, sausage - the works. It just struck me as funny. I think this is going to be a bonding experience for sure. Speaking of which, in the ladies room - one stall has just a curtain for a door. We eat together, sleep together, cry together, and our lines of privacy are starting to blur - on day 3.

Wednesday, May 30, 2007

PLEASE brush your teeth

I was just commiserating with colleagues about the job search, when I was reminded of an email we received about a year ago from our ever helpful career services department. I've cut and pasted the most of it (with some emphasis added)

Dear Students,

The Placement Office tries to speak with every employer that comes on campus. We try to get their feedback on our students. Here is what we have been hearing so far.....

1. Ladies wearing skirts should always wear pantyhose to an interview.
2. Ladies should always wear closed-toe and closed-heeled shoes to an interview.
3. Gentlemen should always wear a WHITE shirt to an interview.
4. Gentlemen should make sure their haircut is neat and conservative. (Shave unruly neck hairs.)
5. Everyone should have clean manicured nails.
6. Good dental hygiene is extremely important. Eat a breath mint before you go in to interview. Now is the time to schedule your 6-month visit to the dentist.
7. Ladies should not show d├ęcolletage.
8. Make sure your shirts are tucked in.
9. Confidence in an interview is great but remember these interviewers are not your buddies and they should be treated with a certain level of formality.
10. Any documents you give to employers should have your name on them and be stapled/paper clipped if more than one page. (i.e. writing samples)
11. Product....make sure your hair has some. Tame it if it is big and wild.
12. Minimal jewelry. One ring per hand. If you wear a watch, do not wear a bracelet. Ladies wear small earrings. No earrings for men.
13. RESEARCH YOUR EMPLOYERS!! Read the firm`s website. Google the firm. Learn about the practice areas and read the press releases the firm issues. Try to read the bios of the interviewers. Remember, sometimes the firms change interviewers on us so be flexible.

We want you to do well. Overall, the response we are getting from employers is extremely positive! We expect many of you will receive call back interviews.

. . .

Best wishes,
<Career Services>

Seriously, people - brush your teeth before you go in for an interview... and run a brush through that hair too. In fact, you could even start doing that on a daily basis. Just a suggestion. I really wonder, though - this was feedback from employers? Someone was so bad, that an interviewer had to contact our office and suggest that students brush their teeth? I cringe to think what my degree represents to outsiders.

Day 2: Contracts


  • I contract with you to trade lives until July 25th, 2007 at 4:30pm EDT, does the UCC or Common Law Apply?
  • Susan signs a suicide note offering to sell her soul to the devil for $1,000,000. The offer promises to stay open to the devil for two months, until after the bar exam. After a week, Susan receives her spring grades and realizes she has failed a class and not graduated law school. The same day, Susan drops out of bar classes and moves to Fiji. Living the life of a movie star on the beach, Susan wants to tell the devil to fuck off. Can she?
  • I order Barney's "Let's Play School" DVD from Marcus. Marcus sends me Barney's "Rhyme Time Rhythm" DVD. Is there a contract? Is there a breach of Contract?
  • Sam drugs me up on morphine and gets me to sign a contract to sell my life-sized Ewok stuffed animal collection to him for 50 cents. A week later, I find the contract and freak out that I'll be losing my most prized possession. Can Sam enforce the agreement?
Day Two was surprisingly better than Day One. The lecturer was actually humorous with his jokes and I only peed my pants once. Note: Future bar takers, be sure to pack at least one extra pair of pants and underwear in your day kit, along with 5 black pens, 5 blue pens, 2 red pens, 1 blue pen, 1 green pen, 1 purple pen, 5 yellow highlighters, 2 pink highlighters, 2 orange highlighters, 2 blue highlighters, 10 #2 pencils, pencil sharpener, ear plugs, calculator watch (two in one, baby!), tissue, a ruler, a protractor, passport, roll of lifesavers (gotta watch the blood sugar), bottle of water, neck pillow, toilet paper (you never know), insect repellent (must eliminate ALL distractions), duct tape (a must for every day life), and corkscrew (to immediately open the wine you'll need to knock yourself out after studying).

Other than a couple mentions of Sharon Stone, and the phrases "they ain't makin' jews like jesus anymore" and "we already done did that," a fairly uneventful day.

Tuesday, May 29, 2007

To New Beginnings

I couldn't put it any better, than the final post of a blog I used to read:

There’s nothing funny about law school.

There’s nothing funny about eating at Subway 8 times a week, but only showering once.

There’s nothing funny about being called on unprepared and falling on your face in front of 120 classmates. And even less that’s funny about being called on when you’re prepared, only to fail anyway.

There’s probably nothing funny about six-figure student loan debt. Though, if you think about it, seven-figure student loan debt would be pretty hilarious. But there’s definitely nothing funny about having your whole night ruined by an improperly italicized em-dash. Or period. Or space. And there’s nothing funny about spending your whole life studying and taking tests only to then take a test that will allow you to spend three more years studying and taking tests, after which, as a reward, you get to study for and take the stupidest test in the history of tests.

No, looking back at it, there really wasn’t much of anything funny about law school.

It's in this line of thought that I'm starting this blog. I don't plan on being half as witty as Buffalo Wings & Vodka, but hopefully I'll still be worth a read every once in a while as I chronicle the life of a law school graduate studying for the dreaded bar exam.

Today was the first day of bar prep class. Chaos ensued. I showed up 30 minutes early but without my entrance badge. Luckily the woman running the class recognized me and remembered my payment. Several showed up without books; oppositely, one guy showed up with his entire box of books which he proceeded to cut open and spread around an entire table. You gotta keep in mind that we have about eight books... monstrous books, that even someone who loves to read would shrink back in fear from them. We're talkin' second only to Michael Hawley's 130 pound eyesore.

Upon realizing there were only about 5 outlets in the walls, a frenzied battle for electricity commenced. Kids arrived carrying extension cords and power strips, and as it grew closer to 9am, an amazing maze of cords stretched out from the walls and entangled everyone's feet. One false move and the building was sure to have an electrical outage - or blow up. Settled in behind a fortress of electronics and books, the moment arrived... Anticlimactic, really. Someone popped in a DVD and we spent the next 3.5 hours trying not to fall asleep on the first day or pee our pants while monotone instructors scared the living daylights out of us, mentioning such possibilities as the test taker next to us passing out in epileptic fits.

Woo! Grab your hats folks, it's going to be a fun ride!